Currently Reading The Shack By William P. Young see related

Another Goodbye.

This is Gauge.  He is our little foster baby that is going home on Friday.  He is such a sweet little boy.  We have had him since he was 3 months old. 

Mike and I are very sad to have to say goodbye to this little guy.  He is the youngest placement that we have had to this point.  We are at the point of wondering if we should continue doing this.  We know we are making a huge impact on each of these little one's lives, but we are unsure if we can keep up with the goodbyes.  This is our second goodbye in less than six months.  We feel as though this is the path God has us on, but one can't help but wonder if we are really on the right path. 

We did meet Gauge's parents a couple of weeks ago.  You can tell they really do love their son.  Unfortunately they made some poor choices.  I hope and pray that they will do well as a family together.  Would you join me in prayer?  Gauge is a real go getter and I hope that he is sucessful in life. 

Currently Listening Painted Desert Serenade By Joshua Kadison see related

A Proverbs 31 Woman

We have been watching the Waltons since my husband recieved the first season as a birthday gift.  I remember watching the show as a young girl and enjoying it, but I am extremely engrossed in it now. 

I am amazed by the women in this show.  I have always wanted to be a "pioneer" woman.  I loved Little House on the Prairie and the Waltons.  As we were watching this show, I had the revelation that Olivia Walton is the pinnacle of the Proverbs 31 woman.  She is up early preparing meals, and baking for her family.  She is frugal, making meals from the resources around them.  She puts her family first.  She loves God.  And the thing that I relate to the most is the way she is generous and hospitable to anyone who darkens her doorstep. 

I have a yearning inside of me to be more like her.  I want to care for my family the way she cares for hers.  I want to run to the Bible to calm myself instead of letting my anger get the better of me.  Mike and I had to laugh last night as we were watching an episode where Olivia was beside herself when the Baldwin sisters wanted to adopt one of her children so they had someone to pass their bootleg whiskey "recipe" onto.  But instead of getting angry she took a minute to compose herself thanks to the family Bible and then turned around, forgave the Baldwin sisters and invited them to Thanksgiving Dinner with the family. 

I find it somewhat odd, that we are watching a series that takes place during the Great Depression, when our own economy is not looking so positive right now.  I am curious to see what the Lord is preparing me for through watching this series.  I have purposed in my heart to become more like Olivia Walton and the expression of a Proverbs 31 women that she has become to me.  Perhaps this is a part of the next journey I am on.  I hope that maybe someday others will use me as an example of a Proverbs 31 woman.  Wish me luck!

Currently Watching The Waltons - The Complete Second Season By Ronnie Claire Edwards, Nora Marlowe, Robert Donner, Richard Gilliland see related

The little boy

I wanted to take just a brief moment to update everyone on our sweet little foster boy Conner.  We were able to see him in August.  We were so darned amazed at how much he had changed.  He wasn't the toddler that he was when he left on May 1st.  This is his picture our last morning with him, we all went to Kirk Park for one last fun outing before saying our goodbyes. 

Conner remembered us.  He gave us hugs and kisses and also snuggled with Mike.  When he saw Molly sitting in our van he got very excited, pointed and said "Moll".  We took him to the van to pet her, and he was crawling up in his carseat and everything.  He was very cute.  Things seem to be going well for everyone. 

Here is the wild and crazy part.  Conner's grandpa passed away at the end of June, so they all trekked down to California for the service.  I asked what part of California they were at.  She said it's a small town called Paradise outside of Chico.  I told her excitedly that I had been there this summer as well...at Lake Almanor.  Come to find out, we were there at the exact same time.  What a small world. 

Alll too soon, it was time to move on, my  parents were waiting in Helena for us.  Conner gave us really good loves and sat on the porch waving to us until we were out of sight.  The visit brought a lot of closure for me.  I knew that his mom was making a great effort to do right by the kids.  Yes, it was hard to see him and have to leave him, he was a part of our family.   June said we could come and visit anytime still, so I know that is something we will do.  I did get a photo of him before we left.  Here he is. 

Currently Watching The Waltons - The Complete First Season By Ronnie Claire Edwards, Nora Marlowe, Robert Donner, Richard Gilliland see related

Mile Marker: 1 Year

So this jounney that I have been on has reached the one year mark.  A little over a year ago, I went to the doctor and received my referal regarding sleep apnea.  In this past year so much has happened.

I have lost just under 100 pounds during this year.  I lost about 50-60 pounds from November to the end of February.  I then joined Weight Watchers.  I have lost 35 pounds since joining.  I have gone down two clothing sizes.  I am proud of my accomplishments with my weight.  I now know most days that this is something I CAN do!  Yes, there are days where I feel as if I am on a hopeless path and that I will never reach my destination, but those days are getting fewer and farther between.  I was very blessed to have my friend Lisa walk along side of me in Weight Watchers.  She is actually the reason I joined. She is in Kosova now, but she is keeping me accountable still.  I also have other great friends and family that have encouraged me in this endeavor.  But my weight is not the only path that I have explored during this past year.

The past year I have allowed myself to learn who I am, and I have allowed myself to learn to love myself.  I realized  a year ago that I hated myself.  It wasn't just a "I am unhappy with who I am" type of hate, but a self-loathing hatred that tainted every part of my being.  I hated myself for being fat, the choices I had made, was making.  The worst part was I didn't know where to start to help myself in learning to change that.  It started by receiving encouragement from my friends and family.  It took jumping in with both feet, fighting battles, and cutting through the undergrowth in the jungle. 

It wasn't all easy...it wasn't all fun.  I had to look at the ugly of me as well as the good parts of me as well.  I have been involved with the Cleansing Stream course in our church for the past year and that has brought me much freedom.  The crazy part is that I am now leading Cleansing Stream alongside my husband and some other wonderful people.  I feel very inadequate at times.  In fact here is a funny story...Sunday morning at church during worship I had one of those "What on earth am I doing God?" moments.  I was questioning His choice in having me help lead this deliverance class.  I know there are other leadership spots in the future as well.  I just didn't feel as though I was the one to be stepping up into this position.  There are much more "qualified" individuals to be doing this.  A couple then came up and started to pray for Mike and I out of the blue.  The wife looked me in the eyes and said "You are qualified to be the Lord's servant, because that is where you want to be.  You are where you are supposed to be."  Wow talk about reading someone's mail!  

I can say I am walking into the next mile nearing a run.  I am walking with more confidence in who I am and who God has called me to be.  Thanks to all who have supported me and kept me running.  I'll see you at the next mile marker if not before.  Here's a picture of me gearing up for the next leg of the race.

Currently Reading The Supernatural Ways of Royalty: Discovering Your Rights and Privileges of Being a Son or Daughter of God By Bill Johnson, Kris Vallotton see related

A Piece of My Heart

As I look at these pictures from Kosovo, a part of my heart yearns to be there.  Both times I have traveled there, I have felt at home. 

While I was in California in July I learned that my heritage my not be quite what we always had thought it was.  I learned that my family may actually be Albanians that settled in the Sicily area, not true full blooded Italian. 

I guess maybe the reason that I have felt drawn to this part of the world is that this truly is family in this part of the world.  I love how God has shown me why I felt like a piece of my heart of belongs to this part of the world.  I cannot not wait to travel back there.   Mike is there right now helping the Frey family settle back in on the mission field.   

In a way it proves to me what a small world we all live in.